Hairless Neanderthal

Dear FW,

There’s something you should know.

I am a neanderthal.

Although, clearly a naked one, because I am blessed with being significantly less hairy than my less-evolved counterparts.

I’m not saying that I walk about dragging my knuckles and clubbing animals. That’s not how I roll.

What I mean is that I need cave time.

Cave time is something my cousin and I discussed at length on a long road trip one Christmas. The essence of it is simple, introverted persons need cave time. Some people call it me time, but that sounds selfish.

The amount of cave time they need is dependent on the person and the environment or situation they are. The more sociable or stressful the situation the more cave time is needed to recover.

Examples of cave time include; reading, binge-watching tv shows, stretching/yoga, writing, listening to music and pottering about. These kind of activities require alone-ness, quiet and preferably closed doors and curtains where possible.

Cave time allows for relaxing and it helps the mind stop screaming. Noisy mind is a longstanding problem which is exacerbating by a lack of cave time.

I need quite a lot of cave time.

I love you and I love hanging out with you, you’re my best friend,  but cave time is essential. Without it I lose who I am, the noise levels get too much and you wouldn’t like who I become.

There is a delicate balance though.

Too much cave time is equally as bad as not enough cave time. It is by nature a solo activity but humans are pack animals and the connection to community and socialising is important.

So, when it looks like I’m retreating more than normal, through me a life buoy. Drag me out of the house to do something with other humans. I won’t want to, I’ll protest, but do it anyway. I will thank you for it afterwards.

You’ll eventually learn when it’s cave time, and what is a healthy amount of it. Try not to get jealous of the cave time, I’ll come back to you, always. Trust me when I say that it’s a good thing for both of us.

Love you always,


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